The Family Bed

I was at a friends last night for dinner and I was struck by directly how her children looked us right in the eye when we were conversing. Those children seemed secure in themselves and were ready to smile or laugh during the conversation. There are many factors that help children feel secure and I believe one of them is how safe they feel.

During my conversation with their mom, I found out that she also cuddles them to sleep and allows them sleep in the same room (bunk beds) even though they have their own rooms. I often will cuddle my daughter to sleep or sit in the next room as she is drifting off. And if she wakes up scared, she is held by her dad or I as she goes back to sleep in her bed or our bed.

And I know as she gets older, she will want her own space more often while she is sleeping or if she is feeling fearful, she may want to learn techniques like EFT to empower herself. And while she still wants her mom and dad close, it is a joy to feel her soft sweet face next to mine. Sometimes as she is drifting off to sleep I hear this 'I love you so much Mommy.' I can't pretend that it is always easy getting back to sleep after being woken up, but my joy at knowing my daughter is bundled up with love compensates for the shorter sleep nights.

I believe there is a knowing deep inside us that guides us as people and as parents. This isn't the knee jerk reaction we have, this is the more innate knowing we can access when we are calm. And for me, that has guided so much of how I raise my child. Often I find doing the research on child development helpful as information can help guide me to wise decisions. But over time research results can swing, so listening to what is greatest service to my child is where I try and focus.

I was one of those children who was very scared alone in my bed at night imagining monsters under my bed or hiding in my closet, and that experience definitely did not make stronger or more secure. So I am a fan of filling kids up with love, especially at night when it is dark. We've got all day to teach boundaries and help our children stretch and take risks. Night time is for nurturing, for recharging and healing our bodies, and our sleep is more peaceful if we are feeling safe and loved.

It still surprises me how people come back from some of the world's "poorer" countries talking about how happy the children are. And, an interesting correlation is that the whole family sleeps in the same room together.